Triangle
by AnitaConDoin
Summary: I know you've got to hurry home to face your wife; you gotta go home to your wife. You close the door softly and it starts, the loneliness closes in and reality slaps me hard in the face. This is my life now, the life of a mistress. Young and naive vs trapped and lonely all dancing to Mobwards tune.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: A list of the songs used can be seen on my profile. Please note that this is **NOT** a songfic I just liked the idea of using some of the lyrics from the playlist I picked to match this little story of mine in the character's dialog. This is un-beta'd, not proof read and all mistakes are mine. That being said if anyone would like to proof read/beta my little creation please message me and we'll talk.

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**BPOV**

Its morning and we slept the night away it happened now we can't turn back. We are such a cliché, the nanny and the unfaithful husband _eye roll_. I'm being blasé about the whole thing but deep down I'm in agony, my guilt writhing and wriggling in my soul and each beat of my heart screams her name "Alice, Alice, Alice." I'm tucked in to your side like I belong there but we both know you belong to me for just one night.

I always knew this would happen, from the moment I saw you, you've ruined me for other men. I snort in derision at myself, I sound like such an ass but it's true I'll never want anyone else after last night. Oh God the things you did, do, to me! You flew me up in to the clouds, I saw God, I was blinded by stars, you took me out in to the universe so I could shatter and brake then you held me softly as we floated back down to our own little world that is my one bedroom apartment. But now that was last night and now oh a new day brings reality.

You must feel my anxious stare as you begin to stir from your sleep, your eyelashes flutter against your cheekbones and my whole body aches for you as you open your eyes and capture me in your green stare. The corners of your pouty mouth curl up in a sleepy, content smile before you pull me in even tighter and press your soft lips against my quivering ones. I'm torn, your touches and kisses feel like love but the wedding ring that presses cold and hard in to my lower back burns me and I can see her ,your wife, and your love starts to feel like lies.

My quivering turns to shaking and my internal struggle slips out of my hold and pours out of my mouth in to yours in the form of whimpers and panic filled gasps. You stroke away my tears and tell me it'll all be fine, that you meant every word to me last night, that your love is real and you won't leave me to be alone in this. I want to believe you but all I can see, all I can feel is that damned wedding ring. It taunts me and screams "Slut! Home wrecker!" and my tears start all over again.

Your phone rings then, we both freeze for a split second before you roll over and answer with a cheery "Good morning darlin'" it makes me sick to my stomach. I can't lie in this bed with you, both of us naked, while you explain to your wife that you got stuck at work last night but you'll be home soon and did her and the kids want breakfast? At the mention of your children, oh God your beautiful children, my stomach heaves and I run to the toilet to purge my guilt but it seems my punishment is to suffer this guilt festering in my stomach as nothing comes up.

What have I done, what have we done? I'm kneeling in front of the toilet when you walk in wearing just your underwear, the same underwear I practically ripped from your body in my lust filled desperation last night, and you kneel behind me.

"Come on love, please don't torture yourself like this. Bella I want you, I love you and this, as horrible as it may feel, was a good thing. I couldn't have gone one more day without being with you." My conscience knows this is wrong but I let his words placate me and I turn in to his touch as he pulls me against him. He strokes my hair and kisses my face and drowns me in his words of love, I let him lift my soul and bury my guilt and I know that this was not a onetime thing. I know I will let this happen again. Edward pulls me to my feet and helps me in to the shower, "let me fix you some breakfast babe while you shower and then we can talk ok?" he smiles the devils smile and I smile right back.

After my shower, where I sing the lyrics to jingle bells over and over to drown out my self-deprecating thoughts, I wrap my fuzzy bath robe around my body and join him in the kitchen. Pancakes, that bastard made me pancakes, oh how I wish I could hate him but mother fucking pancakes! I smile and clap and kiss him in thanks. Subconsciously I know what he's doing, I know he's playing nice so I don't ask him to leave and never come back but I don't care because I need him. Silly man doesn't he know that he has me, that I'll never leave him or ask him to go?

We finish our pancakes in comfortable silence and then the conversation begins. I agree I will continue being his nanny because he wants to be able to see me at least once a day even if he cannot actually touch me. I agree that I will not see any one else other than Edward, like that's even an option after the way that man touched me. I agree that he cannot leave his wife, people in his line of work didn't get divorced and I couldn't stand the thought of those gorgeous children burying their mother because of my whoring. And lastly I agree to be his mistress, because really what choice did I have? I couldn't live without this man and if I had to share him so be it.

Oh poor Alice, it would be so much easier if she was a hateful person, if I could hate her as much as she's going to hate me. I would never want to hurt her, no, no, no. She has done so much for me and how have I repaid her? By fucking her husband. Oh Edward why can't you see how loving you is killing me, I can't think of no one else.

I watch you dress, in that dangerous suit I helped you out of last night, and I try to strengthen myself for the future. A future where I will never be married, where I could be cast aside at any moment, where I will have to go days without holding you, where I'll have to watch you be her husband instead of mine and the thought makes me ache. And now it's time for us to say goodbye, "Goodbye baby," soft loving kisses and you're leaving me. I know you've got to hurry home to face your wife; you gotta go home to your wife.

You close the door softly and it starts, the loneliness closes in and reality slaps me hard in the face. This is my life now, the life of a mistress.


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** I would anticipate that my updates are going to be sporadic, I am currently on holiday today and tomorrow and then again from 8th until 18th November so my updates may be more frequent then. I have none of the chapters pre-written so you guys will just have to be patient with me; I also don't know how many chapters there will be or how long each chapter is. I didn't want to put too many restraints on myself as I find that makes writing difficult. Again this chapter has not been proof read so I'm sorry for any mistakes. I would really love to hear what you guys think and if you can guess which songs I have included within each chapter. I'm also sorry for the massively long AN, I don't think I'll need to do it again but you never know *shrugs*

This chapter starts the day before the last one.

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**EPOV**

You look into my eyes, I go out of my mind, I can't see anything, you are my obsession. From the second you walked in to my life with those innocent doe eyes and that sinful mouth I was caught in you and I had to have you. I needed to make you feel as crazy as you made me feel. You'd walk around MY house in the tightest jeans I'd ever seen with that bubble butt calling for me, taunting me every time you bent over.

I can't take my eyes off you and every time you catch me staring your cheeks flame red and you give me a coy little smile like you don't know exactly what you're fuckin' doin' to me, such a god damn tease. Look at you biting that fleshy lip and then flicking you're tongue over it to soothe the ache you've created, I bet it doesn't ache as bad as the one you've created in me sweetheart and fuck me you can lick that better any time you want.

Bending over to pick up my son I can see straight down your top and Jesus Christ what a view, milky white skin that bounces slightly as you lift my kid on to your hip and then move him to a more comfortable position which makes the neckline of your blouse part slightly giving me an excellent showing of your cleavage. He kisses your cheek and places his hand on your chest and damn if I'm not jealous of a two year. I smirk internally as you smile lovingly at my son, little fuckers got game and I couldn't be prouder.

My eyes flick back to that gap in your top and I groan quietly at the wicked thoughts running through my mind. In my head we're alone and I've lost my willpower, I'm stalking towards you and your eyes flash with excitement. You want this, you want me. I rip that damn blouse off, rid you of your bra and finally, fuckin' finally, I get to see you and touch you and lick you and oh Christ the noises you make go straight to my dick.

"Edward?" I startle out of my day dream to see my wife, Bella and both my kids looking at me like I've lost my mind. Shit I must have gotten too carried away in my day dream. I smile at my wife and she smiles back, never once suspecting that I've been fantasising about the nanny who's 10 years younger than the both of us.

"What are your plans for today darlin'?" I need to know where she'll be so I can finally have Bella, I can't help myself I can't break the spell.

"Actually Edward, Bella and I are taking the kids to the Zoo and I was hoping you could join us?" Hell no! I screamed in my mind, it's not that I don't like spending time with my kids coz I do, I love those munchkins, there's just no way I could handle that much time with Bella without mounting her like a dog. Smiling apologetically at my wife and kids I tell them I have too much work to do.

The truth is I can't go in to the office right now. The feds busted two of my… let's say associates, last night so I'm having my office swept for bugs so my ass doesn't get hauled in to custody. Guess I'll be home alone all day, maybe if I jacked it I wouldn't think about fuckin' Bella every which way for 5 damn minutes.

I walk upstairs, after kissing my wife and kids and telling them to have a great day, and start the shower. Standing under the hot spray my mind wanders back to a half-naked Bella, my lips wrapped around her nipple. I suck, nibble and pull while she moans and whimpers for more, in my head she has the filthiest mouth.

"Fuck Edward, yes, bite them a little harder please. Oh God it hurts so good! More Edward, please." The images in my head start to consume me and I can't stop myself from pumping my fist over my dick hard and fast. Fantasy Bella gets on her knees before me and oh holy God if it isn't the best damn thing I've ever seen. I stroke my dick in front of Bella's waiting mouth while she begs me to let her suck it and seeing as I'm an obliging guy I do. Her wicked lips slide over my cock like ice-creams slides down your hand on a hot day and speaking of hot her mouth is so fuckin' warm and she's sucking me hard, hard, harder. I fist her hair in my mind and thrust in to her mouth faster while in the real world my hand pumps fast, fast, faster and my other hand tugs and squeezes my balls and Oh Jesus I'm there and I'm cumming and fantasy Bella swallows it all just like a good girl.

Finishing my shower takes a little more effort than normal due to the energy I just used on that orgasm but I'm a tough guy and I eventually make it out of the shower and in to a clean suit. Just coz I'm not goin' to the office don't mean I shouldn't look smart. Checking I have everything, keys, wallet and phone I head out of my now empty house and towards Bella's apartment.

I plan on being there when you get home love coz I've waited long enough and I need you baby, I'm too lost in you. You got under my skin and I want you and I always get what I want.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** Here's another chapter my lovelies I hope you enjoy. Oh and let me know if you guess the song. This chapter is set a couple of months later.

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**BPOV**

I'm wrapped up in love, its soft warmth has me cocooned and I can feel the wonderful lightness seeping in to my soul. Lying in bed late at night with you holding me oh so close is my happy place, I glow here. You're telling me that you love me but boy you know that you belong to another girl who loves you but I no longer let that eat away at my soul because you are so fine and there is nothing I can do to stop this. Oh it kills me when I talk to Alice, when she smiles and laughs and treats me like part of her family my soul shrivels and hides but here with you it thrives under your loving touch.

Your kisses rain down like sparks against my neck and I writhe in ecstasy under you. You blow my mind with the things you do to me; I quiver and shake with every caress and stroke of your long fingers. Oh Edward I'm so into you I don't know what I'm gonna do I can't think right when you move your fingers in and out of me with that come hither stroke while you nip and suck on my neck. Higher and higher, closer and closer you take me and you know it by the sounds that fall from my lips. Kissing your way up over my jaw you brush them against my ear and you start whispering the naughtiest things making me cry out and clench around your fingers.

"That's it my naughty little beauty, cum for me. Damn you're so tight, clenching around my fingers. Can you feel what you do to me Bella" his breathe gives me shivers while his words heat me up so, so hot. You grind your cock in to my thigh to show me exactly what I do to you and then I'm cumming and gasping and writhing and moaning and cumming and it's oh so good.

While I float around outside of my body, riding out my orgasm, you move over me. Parting my thighs to accommodate you, you line up against me and as I wrap my legs around you and grasp on to your shoulders you thrust in to me until your hips are flush with my butt. I pant and try to move against you I'm desperate for friction but you keep me pinned to drive me crazy. You lick my lips while I grind my clit in to the base of your cock and it feels like I'm being electrocuted, my nerves are unraveling and I NEED you to move or I'll disintegrate into nothingness. I'm begging and pleading for mercy,

"Edward please fuck me, it's not enough, please." you smirk down at me but finally, fucking finally, pull out and slam back in to me so hard it's just on the right side of painful. Your hand moves to cup my cheek with your thumb resting under my chin and your free arms holds you above me so you can watch my breasts bounce every time you thrust back in to me. You are so fine I wish my mirror was angled so I could watch you fuck me, my fingers dig in to your chest and shoulders and my heels dig in to your ass pulling you against me harder and faster and so, so, so deep.

I can't look away from you, I'm trapped in your gaze and I don't mind one bit. I can see your love in your eyes, your possessiveness, your need and your soul. They all shine for me and I take everything you give me because I live off your love. Words tumble from your lips and they light me up from the inside,

"I love you, fuck baby you're so tight, damn I need you, I need you. Fuck." Steady rhythm turns in to erratic thrusts as you bite down on my jaw and spill in to me. I feel you pulsing inside me and it drives me crazy, I live for this.

You collapse against me and I wrap my legs and arms around you. I can feel your smile as you pant and catch your breath against my neck, a few light kisses and a groan and you're rolling off me, I miss your weight against me immediately.

Pulling me against your side I rest my head on your chest, you place your lips on my forehead and stroke my hair sleepily. Now you've gotten the need to own me physically out of your system you're sleepy and it's quite adorable. I snuggle closer and let you hold me close while I sleep, when I'm here with you I don't think of Alice or the fact that I'm the worst person in the world or that my friends ask how could I give myself to one who belongs to someone else. They just don't know your love's so good. All I can feel and think is you; my heart beats your name and my sighs whisper love.

"Bella I need to tell you something," icy dread creeps its way up my body and tightens around my lungs making it hard to breath and I know, I just KNOW, what your next words will be.

"Alice knows."


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** This chapter starts the day before the last one.

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**APOV**

My mother always said beware of young girls who come to the door, I guess I should have listened. I'm oddly calm, I always thought if I ever found myself in this position I would lose it. Just, you know, go completely insane, throw and break things and rant and rave but no; I'm just sitting here staring at a picture of her on your phone while you shower. A naked picture of her, our nanny, Bella, my friend.

Oh yes she was my friend, my friend, my friend. She was invited to my house oh yes she was and I welcomed her in to my family, we bonded and now because of that the betrayal feels twice as bad. It starts to sink in then I can feel the realisation trickle in to my system as my composure drains from my mind. Adrenaline start to pulse, pulse, pulse through my body and a scream starts to bubble up in my heart and tries to claw its way up my throat and out of my mouth.

How convenient that you walk back in to the bedroom, our bedroom, where we sleep and make love, where our children were conceived, right at the moment I snap and you're forced to duck as your phone hits the wall just above your lying head. I stand there and pant like a caged animal I can barely breathe the anger is so consuming it fills my lungs until there is no room left for oxygen.

"What the hell Alice?!" Your stare is harsh and angry, your jaw clenches and your normally gentle hands tighten in to hard fists. I know your temper, even though I've only seen it less than a handful of times, and I should be afraid but this pain makes me stupid brave and I rush at you, pushing against your chest and pummelling my fists against you as I cry out.

"The nanny Edward, really! How fucking cliché of you! Oh God why Edward, why her?" I'm hysterical, I can't catch my breath and this horrible keening sound is oozing from my throat. You grab hold of my flailing fists and push me back towards the bed but I'm not really in control of my body right now and my legs won't seem to work so I stumble and fall at your feet.

"Get a hold of yourself Alice, the kids are right down the hall. You want them to see you like this? Eh?" I see the pity in your eyes and maybe a little regret but that just makes it worse and that coupled with the thought of our beautiful children has me retching. While I shake and heave and shudder on the floor you kneel next to me and wrap your arms around my shoulders. My inner goddess is screaming at me to stop being so pathetic, to not let you touch me, to maim and destroy you but I can't. The pain is too heavy and it pushes me down, forcing me on to my knees, my stomach. I feel useless and used and broken and I don't know how I will ever get up again.

I feel your lips at against my temple, your strong embrace is holding me close to you and I can hear your heart beat only now it's different. Before it used to beat Alice, Alice, Alice but now it beats for her and I don't know how I didn't hear it sooner. Your making shushing noises and rocking me slowly in an attempt to comfort me but you're making it worse; I don't want you to touch me while you're living for her.

"I'm sorry I didn't hide this from you better darlin', it was inconsiderate of me. I'm so sorry you're hurting I never meant for that to happen gorgeous." The anger that slipped away when you pushed me from you slams back in to me at the realisation that this wasn't, isn't, never will be a onetime thing and I'm clawing at you again. Desperate to make you feel half of the pain that's ripping at my insides but you're stronger then I am and in no time at all you have me pinned under you.

"Just because I love you and you're the mother of my children doesn't mean you get to claw at me like a rabid dog Alice. You are my wife and you are better than that." His voice was eerie calm and it sends shivers down my spine, this wasn't my husband this was the Boss and I'd crossed that line.

"I love you, God knows I do, but if you ever come at me like that again…" You trail off in to an un-amused chuckle and I know exactly what you're implying. The fight drains out of me, how could I have forgotten, the rule that was never spoken of within my family growing up. Married couples in this Family don't get divorced, there's only one way out of this marriage and it's a one way ticket to nowhere. Seeing the fight leave my body you stand up and then help me up to sit on the bed. Putting your arm across my shoulders you pull me in to you again.

"I'm not strong enough to stay away from her Alice and that's my short coming and I'm sorry. I never wanted to hurt you and that's the God's honest truth but it happened and now we have to deal with it. I won't stop seeing her." Tears slip quietly down my face but I'm calmer now, I know this situation having seen my mother go through it. My head starts to nod and I take deep breaths because this is going to hurt.

"I don't want to see her Edward. We'll need a new nanny and you're not to bring the kids around her. She was my friend and though she knew my love was true and no ordinary thing, she climbed in to your bed and out of my friendship." A humourless laugh bursts from my lips,

"She admired my wedding ring I thought her motives were sincere but what she admired was my own sweet man." You leave me then to dress for work and after a few minutes of numbing nothingness I get up and fix my makeup, after all I'll need to get a start on the day seeing as how I've just lost my nanny.


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** *Peeks around the corner* you guys still with me? I know the last chapter was a little hard to take, bear with me ok, if we stick together we can make it! This is in Alice's POV again so brace yourself. This chapter is a few days after the last one.

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**APOV**

I walk around in a daze, self-medicating enough to take the edge off but not so bad that I can't focus on the kids. You haven't been home much since I found out, only stopping in to have breakfast with the kids and then put them to bed later that night before leaving me again. I know it makes you feel bad seeing me so tense, no self-confidence and that's why you leave but I can't help it. I no longer feel real, like I've slipped in to another dimension and I can't feel or touch things.

I'm angry at myself because I miss you sleeping next to me and then my heart skips a beat and I'm sad because I can't keep it together enough for you to stay in the same room as me for 5 minutes. You tried talking to me about this whole sorry mess this morning and I just about fell apart, I don't wanna talk about things we've gone through, there's nothing more to say and so you just walked away.

The new nanny is great, an older plump lady in her early 50's. I'd like to say I hired her for her credentials alone but I know the deciding factor was her looks, I can't do this again, one mistress hurts enough. So now she's here and I don't have much to do other than think about our first years together, it's masochism on a whole new level and I've come to love feeling the slicing pain that leaves me breathless when I think of us because it's the only way I feel anything.

Oh God what was I doing thinking I belonged there, in your arms, I figured it made sense building me a fence, building me a home. I had all these plans thinking I'd be strong there in the home that I, we, built but I was a fool. I saw other wives with wise guy husbands and the ordeals they went through and I climbed up on my high horse stupidly confident in you and your love. I pitied them in the things they did, or rather tried to do, to keep their husbands attention and I thought them ridiculous for making spectacles of themselves but I was a fool for playing by the rules.

Tell me does she kiss like I used to kiss you? Does it feel the same when she calls your name? These are the thoughts I allow to run round in my head, I don't know why; I seem to get some sick satisfaction out of torturing myself with the image of the two of you.

I need to pull myself together; I don't want to end up like my mother, hopped up on pills so out of it she couldn't even tell you her name if her life depended on it. I don't want my daughter to think less of me like I thought less of my mother. I need to be strong, for her. The Winner takes it all and I want to be the one standing tall.

My head seems to clear as my thoughts turn towards joining the living again and I can feel myself taking control over my own mind and body again. I've wallowed long enough, what's done is done I don't like it (fucking understatement of the century) but what can I say? It's simple and it's plain.

The first thing I need is a shower, Jesus I'm so gross, no wonder he won't stay near me. I scrub myself pink and shiny, trying so hard to reveal the new stronger me that I need to be in order to survive this with some dignity. I'll need to learn how to look at him without seeing her but hopefully that will come with time and strength, God please give me strength.

Later that evening you come home to kiss our children good night and pause in shock at the fact that I'm dressed and no longer glassy eyed. A tentative smile forms on your lips and even though the pain pangs my heart in a funny way I smile back because this is the first step in my recovery. I know I no longer need to think of myself as a wife, only a mother, if I am to retain any semblance of my sanity so that's who I am now. I will be your companion and I will perform my wifely duties because that's expected of me and a man like you would settle for no less but my main focus, my main reason for being will be my children.

"You look better love, I was worried," You stroke my cheek and peck my lips and for a split second everything feels normal again but that's dangerous thinking so I stamp it out and squish it down before it can harm me.

"I've had a better day, there's no need to worry honey. Are you working again tonight? If you're not I was hoping we could have a bottle of wine and catch up on some TV we've missed." I try and inject enthusiasm in to my voice but I'm not sure it works. You smile encouragingly at me because even though you're not convinced that I'm ok you're happy that I'm trying.

"I did plan on going back to the office to finish off some more things but a night in with my wife is much more appealing," Your lies slip and slide right off your tongue and it's a relief that you're staying and torture that you're lying but what can I say? Rules must be obeyed in this game we call adultery.

"Let me just make a quick call to let the guys know I won't be back tonight ok. Put some popcorn on darlin' and I'll be right back." You give me a wink and walk off towards our bedroom and I can't help but wonder how she will feel when he tells her he's choosing me tonight, the smug sense of satisfaction I get is fleeting and then I'm right back to sadness. So this will be my life now, petty victories over my husband's mistress, easy lies and empty promises. The loser has to fall and I'll be damned if that's me. The gods may throw the dice, their minds as cold as ice but I don't have to lie down and take it.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** Please, please remember that this is not the end, we're only on chapter 6 and there are a lot more things to come/happen. If you guys have any questions or are a little worried about where I am taking this then feel free to message me and be all like WTF! I would love to discuss things with you (as long as it doesn't give away the ending you sneaky little munchkins). I would however just like to say that none of my characters are "THE BAD GUY", they'll all have their good points and bad points just like all of us do. I really want to make my characters believable and I'm hoping that you'll be able to relate to them all in some way or another at some point in the story.

This is a good few weeks, maybe even months, from the last chapter but Edward and Bella's "relationship" (if you can call it that) is still new.

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**BPOV**

Another Friday night spent wondering which of us you're going to choose, well I keep myself alone in case you call tonight it's pathetic how I lie around and wait all the damn time. _Really Bella you've gone back to self-loathing, how progressive of you, _even my thoughts are against me. Ok the truth is I've come to terms with it, you have explained the situation, your lifestyle, to me until you're blue in the face. You love me, you love Alice, she's your wife and you can't divorce her blah, blah, blah. I'm getting a little sick of you explaining why you can't leave your wife.

I used to feel sorry for Alice and I had so much guilt and hate for myself after what I'd done to her but, as it turns out, she's not such an innocent little flower. Every time you stay at home, she sends me pictures of the two of you, of gifts you've bought her; she even called me the other day while you fucked her. That was the day you had to buy me a new phone after I threw it from my third floor balcony in to the traffic below.

I guess I can't really blame her, I know you're not mine only borrowed coz you already belong to her, but there's only so much self-hating a person can take before they start to turn it outwards. She thinks it will drive me away, silly ideas, doesn't she already know by now that you're not a man that can be told no. Even if you weren't the best I'll ever have I'd still belong to you until the day you get bored. The phone rings and for a split second I contemplate not answering but my heart lurches in my chest at the thought of missing you and I answer before it goes to voicemail,

"Hey you, are you coming over tonight?" I hold my breath in anticipation, you've been staying at home more lately and I'm starting to feel panicky and less secure with each night you choose her and not me. How much time is left till you don't return?

"I sure am gorgeous, damn I've missed you. I've been craving some Bella meat all day." I giggle at you're light hearted words and my whole soul soars sky high at the thought of you being here with me all night, suck that Alice! I ask you to pick up a nice bottle of wine and then I go run a bath, I want my man all wet and soapy tonight.

Once the baths running I tidy up a little and my thoughts drift back to you and Alice, I wonder how it is for you at home now. I know you still fuck, I've heard the truth of that, but I wonder do you tell her that you love her like you do me? Do you make love to her the way you make love to me? You couldn't possibly, our souls mix together when we make love, it's other worldly and what we have is special, one of a kind baby.

I hope my soul soaring mood lasts when you get here; I want to enjoy my time with you because you're borrowed, only borrowed, and it's a short high then a long low every time you have to go. I don't want to give you back, you're the best I'll ever have. Stripping off and climbing in to the warm bubbly water feels like heaven and I can't wait until you get here coz when we're lying side by side I get the whole you, I want hold out but I hold on even though I know it's wrong.

I've accepted us now, we were, are, inevitable. My fear is how long you'll let me love you, I don't know how I would recover from you, it's not something I can comprehend. My thoughts just won't travel down a path that you aren't on, I'm not sure if that's because we'll always be or if it's because I'm protecting myself. I guess it doesn't matter right now.

You're keys rattle in my front door, I hear the cupboard door open and close as you pick out some wine glasses and then there you are in all your gorgeous wonder. I am such a dork, you turn my head to mush and my thoughts in to cheesy beach novel clichés. You undress and I watch with hungry eyes and then you're in this heavenly water with me, behind me, surrounding me with your arms and love and it feels like home.

"Hi love," You whisper against my temple and I just about die with need and I don't want give you back but you're borrowed, how much time is left?


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** Happy Monday! This is set nearly a year after chapter 1

* * *

**BPOV**

We've finally figured out a routine that keeps all three of us happy. Wow, never thought I'd say that about a relationship, all three of us, how very modern _snort_. Monday and Tuesday you're hers, by Wednesday you need a pick me up so you fall in to my bed and climb in between my legs and burrow further in to my heart, Thursday is family night for you (I wonder what your mother and father would think of me), Friday and Saturday are the days you take me out and show me off and then Sunday it's just you and the kids while your loving wife visits her sister for "girl time".

So today is Monday and my phone is beep, beep, beeping with her nasty comments and snide remarks. A few stolen moments is all that we share, you've got your family and they need you there and I've learnt to live with being last on your list. I don't read her messages any more, delete is my automatic response now, so automatic that I missed 3 messages from my own mother last week.

I no longer sit and wait for you on the days I know you won't be here, Monday night is usually the night I go to the gym with Rose but last week she kept trying to push this guy on me and after my 10th no she lost her patience with me and drove off without me so I'm kind of avoiding her right now. I've already explained 5,268,358.61 times that you're all I want and need and I'm saving all my love for you. I didn't actually tell Rose I wasn't going tonight, maybe some of these deleted messages are form her, still I know better than to read any of them just in case it's your wife. Her words are mean and sharp.

My phone buzzes in my hand alerting me to an incoming call and because I'm staring at my phone like it's about to give up the secret to life I just about die due to an aneurysm. It's Rose and by the way my phone rings she sounds pissed, of course that could just be my over active imagination.

"Hi Rose, what's shakin' bacon?" I try for light and airy but as it turns out my imagination isn't so overactive after all. She's pissed, _ugh_.

"Don't 'Hi Rose' me, you inconsiderate bitch. I've been standing outside this gym freezing my butt off waiting for you, which is the only reason I come to the god damn gym in the first place, and you don't even have the decency to show up!" Her voice has reached nuclear disaster level so to avoid bleeding from my ears I put my phone on the coffee table and press the speaker phone button.

"I'm real sorry Rosie, I should have called I'm just not in a 'pimp Bella off to any un-married guy so she can stop being a total skank' mood tonight." Ok so maybe my tone gets a little bit of an attitude towards the end there, whatever. After a few seconds of heated silence we both sigh dramatically and then bust in to laughter at our own melodrama.

"Shit Bells I'm sorry, you're personal life is none of my business and if you want to boink a married guy who am I to judge? Just know that if it goes tits up I get to tell you I told you so while I help you eat everything." I smile at my best friend even though she can't see me,

"Thanks Rosie, wanna come over and watch me eat carbs?" she agrees and I'm back to ignoring my phone.

In the early stages, when the guilt used to make me feel sick you used to tell me we'd run away together, I knew that wasn't true and you were only saying it to make me feel better. But deep down I hoped it was true. I was stupid and naive; it's not very easy living all alone. My friends try and tell me to find a man of my own but I just break down and cry coz I'd rather be home feeling blue than loving another.

Now whenever I'm feeling lonely instead of made up words and empty promises you buy me jewelry and clothes and other trinkets. Sometimes it cheers me up, sometimes it makes me feel like your whore and then on the odd occasion it makes me feel like her. We both own the same diamond necklace with matching earrings, did you know? Was it an accident or did you purposely buy us the same thing? Maybe they were on offer and you bought them at the same time, you know a buy one get one free kinda thing. I bet the advert ran, "one for your wife and one for your mistress so you'll never have to sleep on the couch again!" or maybe not. I gave them to my mother for her birthday last month, she really liked them.

She has no idea that the man in my life is married, is you, and I'm going to keep it that way. I'm just lucky she lives on the other side of the country and can't visit easily or we'd be in trouble, well I'd be in trouble. I don't think you've ever been in that kind of trouble you're entire life.

Illegal trouble, oh boy, have you had you're fair share of that. Half my damn flat is filled with stuff that's "fallen off a lorry" I hope the cops never come looking for you hear because they'd find more than they bargained for. My poor old Dad'll be rollin' in his grave, his baby girl shackin' up with a criminal. Now I sound like I'm in some sort of gangster film, I need wine before I start trying to impersonate the godfather.

I'm on my second glass, I may have guzzled the first, when Rose kicks my door in with all the subtlety of a crazed Jackie Chan wannabe and just about gives me a heart attack but I forgive her coz she brought pizza. We both dive right in, me to pizza and her to the wine, when we hear a key in the lock. I start freaking out because my two worlds, you and my friends, have never collided before and I don't know how the fuck to deal with it.

Rosie and I have a slice of pizza in our mouths when you stride in through the front door, all cock sure and cream in my panties hot, and we must look like morons because we just stare and stare and stare until finally you can't keep it in anymore and you start laughing.

"Oh my god, you both look like I just caught you doin' something you shouldn't have been. Damn baby, you gonna swallow that?" My brain decides to connect with my body again and I manage to swallow my pizza, Rose is having no such luck so I clear my throat and say,

"I thought it was Monday?" Real smooth Bella. But my inner chiding fades away when a serious look falls on to your face and my stomach tightens and my lungs forget how to exhale and my heart skips beats.

"I've got some news sweetheart," He turns his gaze to Rose, "Could we have some privacy sugar?" I'm still stuck staring at him so Rose has to shake me to get my attention,

"Will you be ok Bells? I can stay if you like." I love my best friend so much, always the protector. I lick my dry lips and manage to croak out that I'm fine and that I'll call her later. Rose gathers her things, which makes me take back the part about me loving her because she takes the wine and the pizza and I have a feeling I'll need both, and then we're alone.

You pull me in close, your nose buried in my neck, and you breathe in deep. Your whole body feels tense and it's making me nervous.

"Edward, what's goin' on?" I don't really want to know, I'm a 'bury your head in the sand' kinda girl, but I have no brain to mouth filter so I have frequent bouts of word vomit. It can get messy. You sigh and pull back to look in my eyes. You cup my face in your hands and your thumbs stroke my cheeks and I want to scream at you to just spit it out coz you're driving me crazy.

"I rushed over to tell you so you wouldn't read about it; apparently she's sent you a text." You seem annoyed and a little surprised at this, maybe you didn't know that she'd been texting me this whole time, go figure. And then you drop the bomb,

"Alice is pregnant."


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** This is later the same night as chapter 7

* * *

**EPOV**

Lying in your bed with your naked body pressed against me and your sleepy sighs tickling my chest hair, I finally let the smile that's been blooming in me spread across my face. Damn I'm a lucky man, a beautiful girlfriend, a loving wife, 2 wonderful kids and a 3rd on the way. Fuck yeah I'm the man. This time last year I was content with just the perfect wife and beautiful children but now I can't imagine my life without you, I need you like a needle needs a vein. I love you.

I feel bad that our routine is gonna get a little fucked up but I'll need to be with Alice for doctors' visits and middle of the night crazy as fuck cravings, not to mention those damn pregnancy hormones, the wife can get a little insane when she's pregnant. And when the baby's born I'll need to be there to help Alice out, I don't even know why she wants a nanny that fat old cow just sits on her ass, eats my food and watches my TV. I look down at your sleeping face and smile, we'll work it out though baby coz this is love and we don't need anything else.

You took the news hard, I knew you would and I'm just glad I got to you before you read any of Alice's messages. My mood darkens and a frown forms on my face, I had no idea she'd been harassing you for months, you should have told me baby. Alice won't be contacting you again I made sure of that, I forgot how much of a scheming bitch she could be.

Squeezing you tight as you throw a leg over me my thoughts don't linger on my wife. You're stunning sweetheart and all mine. I wanna wrap the moon around us and lay beside you skin on skin, make love 'til the sun comes up and the sun goes down again cause I need you. I'm so in love with you and completely obsessed, you're my brand of heroin and I wanna smell that sweet addiction on my breath.

Looking around your small apartment I decide I'm gonna find you a better place, you deserve the best things darlin' and I can't fit that in here. I love spoiling my girls, my daughter's gonna grow up to be a princess and my bank balance winces at the thought of her teenage years, crap I hope I don't have another girl. I wouldn't have it any other way though, it's my job to spoil all 3 of you and I take pleasure in it.

My thoughts on parenting soon have me wondering if you'd ever want kids; it's not something we've ever talked about. I squeeze you tight again as a rush of guilt, sadness and anger flood through me both at the same time. Guilt and sadness at the thought of me not being able to give you something you want and anger at the thought of you having children with another guy. No, that won't happen, you're mine love and I don't share. I have to get up for a cigarette the thought of you with someone else has me so fuckin' wound up. I leave you sleeping like an angel while I step out on to the balcony and light up.

As the smoke flows from my mouth and curls away in to the cold night air I start to calm down. I start to think of the life you could have had if you'd never met me. You'd date someone and then when it got serious introduce them to your mom, maybe a year down the line you'd move in together and he'd propose not long after because you're such a catch baby and he just wants to make sure everyone knows you're his. Then after a long engagement you'd have the perfect church wedding and have kids not long after. Maybe if I wasn't so possessive, so addicted, so selfish, I'd let you go but I am all those things and you're mine so no, you'll never have that life.

Maybe I should feel guiltier about that but I don't and it is what it is. I need you like a lighthouse on the coast, like the father and the son meet the Holy Ghost. I need you and as long as I do I'll take care of you and love you and that will have to be enough.

Finishing my smoke, I through it over the balcony along with all thoughts of you and another and I climb back in to your bed. You feel so good tucked in to me it's maddening and the feel of your hot naked skin against my starry night coldness is making me hard. Your nipples pebble against my chest and your breath comes in little gasps and then you're awake and kissing down my body.

The look in your eyes goes straight to my dick, it's hungry and possessive and I know it's because of my great not so great for you news but then your lips are wrapped around my cock and my brain forgets how to function. There's no easing me in this time, you want to show me how good you can be and I'm ok with that as I'm instantly in your throat, your nose buried in my pubic hair and I'm cursing like I'm possessed. You're humming and moaning and sucking and grazing your teeth on me and I don't last long at all before I'm cumming hard down your throat. My whole body stiffens as you suck me dry and it's, you, are amazing.

Satisfied that you've made your point you snuggle back in to me and we fall asleep. I wish I could hear the thoughts running around in your pretty head love. If you could hear mine all you would hear is Bella, love, need, want, Bella, love, love, mine. Always mine, I need you.


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** I just want to say a massive thanks to everyone who has reviewed or added this to your favourite/follow lists; you have no idea what it means to me. This is within the same month as chapter 8

* * *

**APOV**

I remember my other pregnancy announcements and how much joy and excitement I felt about telling you and even though I'm so delighted about the addition to our family I'm so angry that you've tainted this one with your infidelity. You spurn my natural emotions and if I demand more of your time you make me feel I'm dirt. Our marriage wasn't supposed to be like this, full of hurt and lies and not quite goodbyes.

Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn't've fallen in love with? Please spare me, I know you have, that nasty little tramp flaunts you all over town, that was a self-posed question. That's how I feel, like you were the devil and you lured me in with your charm and devastatingly good looks. Then you captured me mind body and soul with your words and promises and now here I am alone and confused loving someone I shouldn't, I'm not sure who I hate more in this vicious triangle.

The tension is getting to the kids, I suppose that's my fault as I'm not hiding it as well as I was, pregnancy takes a lot out of you you know and I just don't have the energy. Little Esme's quieter now and instead of pushing herself in to the centre of attention she stands off to the side holding her little brother's hand while he plays and she watches us curiously. Oh how silly us "adults" must look to her. And poor little Mike, he's a shy boy to begin with and his speech was just coming on, now he barely utters a word. This can't go on; something has to give for our children's sake.

Some days I want to kick you out, throw all your stuff out on to the front lawn and let the garbage men pick it up but then I remember myself and a fear that I've never associated with you before grips my heart and I play the dutiful wife role extra well when you get home. I need to be strong, for my children, I cannot leave them for her to raise, she already has you she cannot have my babies as well.

I felt so overwhelmed with it all last week that I called my mother to vent, she listened without saying a word as I told her all about the slut that teased you away and how it was affecting me and the kids. I should have known better, she just told me to keep a better hold of my emotions and then hung up, God I wish that had been the worst of it. My mother told my father who then told my wonderful husband who came home in such a rage he sent the children off to the park with the nanny so he could scream and break things all while I cowered in the bathroom. Apparently our marital issues are not to be discussed outside of our marriage, who knew?

So now I have no one, the other wives who I used to pity all smirk at me behind perfectly manicured hands, I have no real friends as the only one I'd managed to make is now sharing a bed with you and now my own mother won't let me unburden myself without breaking her neck to tattle on me to my father. I need to pick myself up and stop feeling so sorry for myself; it isn't good for the baby.

A memory from yesterday when I was coming back in from grocery shopping flashes in to my head and the shock of it freezes me in place. I was struggling to get both kids out of the car and in to the house as well as the bags when Jasper (my driver as you like to call him, I think of him more as your spy) swoops in like a guardian angel and helps me in to the house. It's not his gesture that shocks me, he quite often helps me with any bags I have especially since I announced my pregnancy, it was the look in his eye as I thanked him. Maybe I'm not as alone and isolated as I thought.

My thoughts twist and spin around Jasper and the way he looked, looks, at me. He's handsome but not as handsome as you, but then no one is as handsome as the devil. His eyes are kind and his smile is warm though and maybe that's enough. Suddenly I realise where my thoughts are taking me and I squash them down, way, way down. It's too dangerous, if I went down this path you would kill him and then I really would have no one.

I try and busy myself to get rid of these thoughts but my hands shake as adrenaline pumps through my system and I need to sit down again before I faint. Maybe I just imagined it, maybe it wasn't kindness and, dare I think it, love or some form of it anyway, in his eyes. Maybe it was pity, that would be better for him but not so much for me. I frantically search my memory for every other interaction we've had over the last year and with my new found clarity I can see that same look shining out every time. I need to lie down, the feelings of hope have rushed in to me so quickly I'm struggling to breathe. This means something, doesn't it? How can I use this?

At the word use my whole body goes cold, can I use Jasper? The only person who's shown me any kindness in the last year, and would I technically be using him? And if so what am I using him for? Jesus my thoughts are all over, I never could think straight while I was pregnant. I need to calm down, not only to gather my thoughts but to mask my feelings of hope and maybe even excitement? God knows I can't even figure out how I'm feeling never mind what I'm supposed to do with this new found information.

The front door slams closed and I jump so high you find me clinging to the light fittings, not quite but I'm extra jumpy and I'm so scared you can read my thoughts all over my face. Tonight is the one night I would have actually liked you to stay at hers but ever since I complained to my mother you've been home more to "look after me", more like keep an eye on me.

You kiss my forehead and frown saying I feel hot and maybe I should go lie down. Relief floods through me at being given the chance to escape with my thoughts. Lying in my bed a plan starts to form and I can't keep the crazed smile off my face, I can't see much of a future and we won't be together much longer. I need to extra careful, Jasper may not be who he seems but happens if I don't try? I must try.


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: I'd like to apologise for any errors in the last chapter, I was running late and I shouldn't have posted before I re-read over everything. I hope it didn't ruin the chapter for you guys. Thanks for all the adds and reviews, I heart you guys hard :p

Now on with the chapter, this is within the same month as the last.

* * *

**BPOV**

I am officially a crazy person, like full on stalker mode complete with oversized sunglasses for no other reason than it's what people in the movies do. I'm sitting in my car, ugly crying (maybe there is a reason for the sunglasses after all), outside your house because I followed you here from work thinking you were cheating on me. How fuckin' ironic huh? I guess I'm happy to be the other woman just as long as I am the only one other than your wife.

You haven't been around much within the last 2 weeks and then last night you came over at 3am smelling of sex and I was so sure you were with one of those sluts from the club. I'm not sure I get to call anyone else a slut but fuck 'em I'm crazy now and I get to say or think what I like, it's my prerogative as the crazy stalker lady so get off my back! As it turns out it was your wife I could smell, I'll be the other woman just as long as I know I'm the only other woman you make love to.

Jesus I need to get a hold of myself, if you catch me sitting out here I'll be in a whole mess of trouble. My hands are too shaky to drive and I can't see shit even without the sunglasses I'm crying so hard. I'm a mess, a God damn filthy whore hot mess! Loving a married man, this I really don't mind but a married Casanova is a little out of my line.

Home I know comes first and second to that I'll be but when you're not there with her I want you right here with me. You have to promise me darlin' because I couldn't handle it, not the way she did, say you love me and only me. My heart aches so much and I can feel it crack and break with every skipped beat. I can see you both in there, snuggling, watching TV and I hate her so much and I need you even more than that.

My skin literally tingles with the need to touch you, to erase any trace of her from your skin and replace it with my scent and love. The urge is so bad I'm gripping the steering wheel so hard my knuckles turn white and I lose the feeling in my fingertips. I start feeling light headed and my vision starts to fade and I realise I'm holding my breath to try and control myself. I'll be your part time love but that's as far as I'll go, to be your part time fool would be stooping a little too low.

An unexpected knock on my passenger side window has me throwing myself in to mine while an unladylike screech leaves my throat. It's Emmett, your driver, and I know that you've seen me sitting out here. The colour drains from my face as fear and worry and shame seep in to my soul, you've sent him over to make me leave. For a split second I wonder if I make a big enough scene you'd come out to deal with me but fuck that I'm in enough trouble already so I lean over and unlock the door so Emmett can get in.

I start laughing as he situates himself in my tiny little car, partly because he looks so silly and partly because my nerves have gotten the better of me and I'm becoming hysterical, is that better than ugly crying? His sharp tone snaps me out of it and my laugh dies on my lips,

"You shouldn't be here Bella, go home." I take deep breathes as the rejection flashes hot and painful through my system, those are your words even if Emmett spoke them and it hurts. I look at Emmett, pleading with my eyes for him to understand.

"Can you… I just… Please Emmett, I need to see him. Just for a second, I'm breaking." He shakes his head no but it's the pity in his eyes that dumps icy cold clarity over me. God I must look so stupid and pathetic, begging to see a married man. Another deep breath and I sit up straighter; I fix my eyes on the road and start the car.

"Good choice doll face." Emmett unfolds himself out of my car and back in to his and I start to drive home, where my bed smells like you, where everything reminds me of you.

Not 2 minutes later my phone beep, beep, beeps with a new text message and I almost kill myself swerving on to the side of the road so I can read it safely. It's from you. My heart beats return to normal and my lungs loosen up enough so I can take a proper breath and I can feel my lips pulling up in to a smile. Just the fact that you've acknowledged me is enough to calm me down.

You're beyond angry that I came to the house but you're also beside yourself with worry, I beam. You do care. Oh thank God! I tell you I'm fine, that I let my stupid paranoid girl thinking get the better of me but as long as you loves me I'm ok. I don't have to wait long for your reply and it's full of love and wanting for me.

Driving home doesn't feel so ominous now and even though I know I'll get it when I next see you for going to your house I'm happier then I have been all week and I can't wait to see you. I'll be the other woman just as long as I am the only one other than your wife.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN:** So I am officially on holiday, woo! And apparently I don't have as much free time as I'd thought so posting may not be as frequent as I'd hoped so sorry about that. This is a few weeks after the last chapter.

* * *

**EPOV**

I wish you hadn't followed me home the other week sweetheart, now everything's different. I mean, we do the same things, talk about the same things, love the same way but the same things feel a little emptier, there's a weird tone in our conversation and our love feels different. It hurt you that I had to turn you away and I'm so, so fuckin' sorry about that love but I don't know what else you expected me to do. I can't even understand why you fuckin' followed me there in the first place!

And now you're far from me, I can feel this fissure growing between us and I have no fuckin' clue why or how to fix it. I can feel you pulling away darlin' and I won't allow it, just tell me how to fix it. You were my mad little lover and now it feels like you're just going through the motions. You told me you'd stick by me through the thick and through the thin, those were your very words and now you are so far from me.

I feel like I'm losing my mind gorgeous, Alice is up and down at home because of the hormones and now you're acting so strange. I would talk to you of all matter of things and with a smile you would reply but then the sun would leave your pretty face and you'd retreat from the front of your eyes. It's like you're gone love, here in body but not in mind and I need your mind darlin' it's so precious to me. In my world, a world where everybody fucks everybody else over, you were the light and now you're dimming. Please tell me why.

For you dear, I was born. For you I was raised up. For you I've lived and for you I will die. For you I am dying now, I can feel it beautiful; my heart beats less forcefully without you to keep it going. I've tried everything I can think of to get a reaction from you and you try to be here, try to respond, but it's short lived and you back down. You were my brave-hearted lover, so full of passion and fight but now you're meek and mild and it's so fuckin' infuriating because I don't know why.

I'm no good at guessing games honey, I'm a man, I need straight answers not yeses mean no and silly hinting games. Just tell me what's wrong, let me love you, you are so far from me. The tiny crack has grown in to a chasm and it's swallowing us whole, we'll die her darlin' if you don't show me how to get us out. You're silence is a heavy blanket smothering us and suffocating our love, can't you feel it?

Even now when you're sleeping next to me there's a slight frown on your face where there used to only be peace. I take a little comfort in the fact that your delicate fists are clenched around my t-shirt and your leg is pinning me in place, at least your subconscious wants me to know you still want me.

Sometimes, when we're together like this, late at night when everyone always lets their 'what ifs' out I think about what it would be like if Alice wasn't my wife. If it was just the two of us, how different our lives would be. My mother would adore you that's for sure and my dad's a massive pervert so I'm pretty sure he'd love you too. We could have had a family if I'd met you first; you'd be such an amazing mother and our children would be gorgeous. Tears start to form at the thought of what you'll never have and I shut my thoughts down. I shouldn't think like this, it isn't fair to Alice or to you. I guess this whole situation isn't but I don't make the rules love, you're my heart and Alice is my wife and that's just the way it is.

We jump as you're phone starts to ring, it's an out of state number but you don't recognise it. Your voice is thick with sleep and confusion when you answer. I watch as your eyes fill up and the tears spill over on to your pale cheeks, your voice catches in your throat and your grip loosens on the phone. I catch it before it smashes on the floor and put it to my ear; I can already feel cold dread welling up inside me after seeing your reaction.

"Miss Swan did you hear me? Hello?" It's a female voice full of concern but you're in no state to answer her. I pull you in close as a high pitch keening starts in your delicate throat and your tears soak in to my clothes.

"Miss Swan seems to be a little bit in shock, can you tell me what the problem is?" She hums and hars and twitters on about protocol and data protection and just as I'm about to lose my patience she makes up her mind.

"I'm afraid I have some terrible news, it's her mother, Miss Swan's mother. She was in an accident in the early hours of yesterday morning and didn't make it through surgery. I am so sorry for your loss."

Oh sweetheart, I'm so, so sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: So sorry for my lack of updates I can give you no other excuse other than I've been enjoying my time off and was being a bit lazy :/ so yeah I'm sorry. The song I used for this chapter is what inspired this story of mine, it's Stay by Sugarland and I urge you to listen to it. This is the same night/morning as the last chapter.

**BPOV**

How can you feel empty but be in so much pain at the same time? It's like someone took an ice cream scoop and scrapped all of my insides out until I'm left raw and bloody and hollow. My mother is gone. The crazy lady who had a new hobby every month and dragged me along with her will never tell me she loves me again. The constantly non constant in my life has now left it and there is a massive void that can never be replaced, I already miss her so damn much.

Just when I thought my tears had all gone I remember different colour macaroni night and the tears start bitter and salty at my red rimmed eyes and spill down my puffy cheeks. She was so adamant, that mother of mine, that pink macaroni wouldn't look like tiny little worms but of course she was wrong but we ate them anyway because that's what we did and now my macaroni will be nothing but cheese yellow.

You walk in then, as I'm crying over weird looking macaroni memories, and a desperation fills me so suddenly it's all I can do not to throw myself at your feet and beg you not to leave me too. You're all I've known for what feels like an eternity, you and my mother, and I can't handle you both leaving me in the same night. I've been laying here praying, praying she won't call. It's just another call from home and you'll get it and be gone and I'll be crying all over again.

She was mine, my mother, my light, my life giver, my driving me crazy lady and now she's no one's anything. I don't have a person any more, you're certainly not mine. Poor little Bella Swan lost and alone clinging to something that may look like a solid person but is really just dreams and misguided hope. Your wife will call and I'll be begging you, baby I'll beg you not to leave but I'll be left here waiting with my heart on my sleeve just like always. And you'll be gone for what seems like a million years, I can't be alone right now, I think I'm dying.

I broke my promise, the promise I made so long ago to my eccentric mother, the promise that I would never rely on a man for happiness. But that was before you and if she had known about you I don't think she would have made me make that promise. You are a force that cannot be denied; saying no to you is like trying to live without the sun. There is no life without you.

Please stay. Why don't you stay I'm down on my knees and I'm so tired of being lonely, don't I give you what you need? I love you so hard Edward, my heart only beats because of you why can't you see this? Please see it. I need you right now, why don't you stay?

I'm all wrapped up in you and it feels wonderful, I want to hide here in your arms away from the real world where my dead mother and your pregnant wife are waiting for us. You're telling me you're so sorry and that you'll do anything to make it stop hurting but I don't think that's the truth because she'll call and you'll be gone again.

My hearing dips in and out as my thoughts swirl between my lovely mother, you and your wife and I only hear every other word out of your wicked mouth. There's talk of tickets and time off and you'll take care of the funeral expense and is there anyone I need to call but it's so hard to focus when my nose is filled with your sent and your lips on my forehead send all of my nerves in to overdrive.

There's no one to call, she was my only person and I was her only person and I shouldn't have moved away. I shouldn't have gotten angry at her silliness or frustrated at how flighty she could be, I should have stayed. Did she even ask me? I don't remember, oh God I hope she never begged like I want to beg you, down on my knees desperate. I hope I never did that to her like you do to me, maybe that's why I don't get to keep you, maybe this is a punishment. It's too much pain to have to bear to love a man you have to share.

Right on cue your phone rings, it can only be one person this late at night and I think I'm dying, for real this time. My heart stops and starts, my breath catches in my throat and my bones freeze and turn to ice as you slip out from under me to answer it. This is it, you're leaving me too, the cold form my bones seeps in to my soul and I shudder and shake so hard I bite my tongue.

I'm trying to speak, to call out to you. Stay! Why won't you stay? What do I have to do to make you see she can't love you like me? But my words get caught in my throat with my breath and it makes my panic worse. I've never wanted my mommy more. I can't hear what you're saying you're too far away but I don't need to hear, we've been here before, soon you'll be gone and I'll be alone and crying.

I watch you end the call and turn to face me, shock flashes in your eyes and you practically run to me. My breathing eases, you've never run to me before. I'm in your arms again, soul crushingly tight you hold me against your chest and I can hear your heart beating, for me, it says my name. Mine answers and for a while we just lie like this not speaking, letting our hearts connect again.

But all too soon you're stirring underneath me so you can move me off of you and then you can go. I try not to but I can't help it, I tighten my grip and I whisper please.

"Shh love, you just sleep now. Don't worry about anything I'll pack for you and when Emmett gets here with my clothes we can go to the airport."

Your words finally sink in but I'm still just as confused as when I wasn't hearing them, my brow furrows,

"The airport? Are you going somewhere?" If he's going on holiday with Alice 3 hours after I've learnt my mother died I may go nuclear.

"Yeah baby, so we can go sort out the funeral arrangements" I run that word over and over again in my head before I finally stutter,

"We?" Shock will make a person stupid and you smile like you get why I'm being so slow,

"Yeah baby we, I'm not leaving you to fix this alone."

You're staying.


	13. Chapter 13

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: So yeah you guys pretty much rock! Thank you so much for all the adds and reviews it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy and stuff. This is the same night/morning as the last chapter.

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**APOV**

I've been thinking about us a lot this week, about how we started out. I thought I saw a man brought to life, he was warm, he came around and he was dignified. Well you couldn't be that man I adored, were you ever that man? Maybe I made him up, just saw what I wanted and this is who you were, are, all along. The thing that makes me most angry is that no matter how mad and upset you make me I still love you, I'm torn. You can't just stop loving someone you've been with for 12 years but I'm so fucking hurt Edward. I'm all out of faith.

What we had felt so good, was it ever real? Illusion never changed in to something real did it. Every part of me aches for the fantasy life we had that I'd naively created in my head. I hope the kids never figure us out, realise how broken we are. I should have seen just what was there and not some holy light, I guess it's a little late for should'a would'a could'as huh?

I'm so fed up of the whole thing to be honest; I'm fading, struggling to keep myself together. This lie of a life gets harder every day. Even with Jasper around it isn't getting easier. The plans we tentatively made no longer give me hope, they taunt me and whisper how they're just dreams and I'm a fool to believe in them. He says he loves me but how can I trust that, him, when the stakes are so high. If I'm wrong again it could not only cost me my life but it could put my children in danger to. But then don't I owe it to them, to myself, to at least try? I'm torn.

Do you see what you've done Edward? It isn't fair! Why do you get to make all the decisions about my life! I WANT MY LIFE BACK! I press a cushion against my face to muffle my screams of frustrations; my tears soak in to the fabric taking away all traces of my pain. I'm so glad your with her tonight because I feel so unstable right now I'm not sure what I would do, I need to be calmer or I'll make a mistake.

The front door slams and for a split second I'm terrified it's you but it's Jasper, and he has the strangest look on his face, followed closely by Emmett.

"What's going on? Can't you be quiet you'll wake the kids?" I follow them around my house as they pick up bits and pieces of your stuff and shove them uncaringly in to bags. My heart thump, thump, thumps wildly in my chest and I start to let myself hope that you're leaving me, that I'll be free.

"You need to call Edward, he's going away on business and wants to talk to you before he goes." I stare at Emmett like I haven't understood a word he just said. I don't actually think I did understand, what does he mean you're going away on business.

"What do you mean he's going away on business?" I look at the pair of them as they ransack my closet looking for your clothes. Jasper shakes his head slightly, only enough for me to notice and Emmett tells me to please not make this difficult and to just call you so I do. My hands shake a little as I dial your number, I'm not sure what's happening and I don't like feeling unprepared.

You pick up after what feels like forever and you explain that something's come up unexpectedly with work and you'll be out of town for about a week. You're taking Emmett but are leaving Jasper with me so I won't be alone if I need anything.

"I won't always be contactable darlin' so if I don't answer just leave me a message ok and I'll call you as soon as I can. Be safe sweetheart and look after our family, love you." You don't even wait for me to respond before you've hung up. I'm in shock, my knees give out and I sit heavily on the bed. You're going away with her, while I'm pregnant?! I can't believe you, this is just so cold. You don't seem to know what your heart is for, I don't know you anymore. You're words have left me feeling… confused, I think. I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to do now.

Emmett comes walking out of my closet with a suitcase and an overnight bag in his hands, Jasper's not far behind him and as my stunned gaze passes over him he mouths get packing to me. And then it hits me, you'll be gone, for a whole week, leaving me alone with the one person that wants to help me. I almost cry out in joy but I get a hold of myself quickly and I shut that shit down.

As soon as I hear the front door close I run in to the kid's rooms and grab as many of their clothes as I can. I wake my babies up in my frantic rush to leave and they're so sleepy confused it's adorable. I explain that we're going on a trip with uncle Jasper and they get real excited real quick and even start helping me pack, bless their little hearts. I leave them to it once I'm confident enough I've packed the essentials and just as I'm about to head in to my room to pack my own things Jasper starts climbing the stairs.

"Are you ready?" He's panting from all the running around he's just done for you and he has this crazy frantic look in his eye and we both need to calm down but this is it and there's no going back now. I'm leaving, we're leaving. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him tight, he's shocked, this is the first time I've ever touched him and he feels so solid it's amazing.

"Almost, the kids are ready I just need some things. Will you help them to the car please?" You smile adoringly down at me and then rush off to help my darlings to your car. I'm not paying even the slightest bit of attention to what clothes I'm packing but it doesn't matter and I start laughing hysterically, I feel so giddy!

I rush out of the house and in to his car where they're all buckled in and waiting for me. Jasper turns on the radio quietly and I tell the kids to try and sleep because we have a really long journey ahead. I have no idea where we're going or what'll happen when we get there but right now it doesn't matter. I'm leaving, I'm getting my life back, I'm free.


	14. Chapter 14

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: Happy Saturday! I know I'm repeating myself but thank you so, so much for all the adds and reviews I really do appreciate it. Did anyone listen to Stay, if you did let me know what you thought. Oh and there's no song for this chapter.

This is 3 weeks after the last chapter.

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**EPOV**

Rage like I've never felt before pulses through my veins, blinding anger sears every one of my nerve endings and my every thought is focused on finding her. She took my kids, my fuckin' kids! I wish I hadn't let Emmett talk me out of driving at least then my hands would have something to do instead of rhythmically curling in to fists in time to my heart beating destroy, destroy, destroy.

Fuckin' Jasper! That little punk! After all I did for him! My anger bubbles and boils through my system until it spills over and out of my control and I start laying in to the dashboard with my fists, a smug smile on my face as I imagine its Jasper skull. Emmett swerves off the road and stops the car while Aro grabs a hold of me from the back seat, the pair of them trying to get me in control.

"Ed man you gotta calm down, you're gonna cause a fuckin' accident." I let Aro keep me held down while Emmett's words sink in, he's right I need to keep it together but fuck man that son of a bitch took my kids and my god damn wife! My breath comes in deep heavy pants, I'm like a caged animal ready to kill, kill, kill.

"Alright, I got it, just get me to her." I shake off Aro's hold and tell Emmett to get going. Two mother fuckin' weeks it took to find the bitch, that little shit head's not as clever as he thought. Man wait till I get a hold of him, I chuckle menacingly at the violent thoughts in my head. His own mother won't recognise that bastard when I'm done with him.

If I hadn't been so worried about how upset Bella was at her mom's funeral it wouldn't have taken me the whole week to realise they'd taken off. When I found out I flipped, just completely lost my shit. I got home and there was no one there, no wife, no kids and no fuckin' Jasper. My house is almost completely destroyed, I remember picking up one of the dining room chairs and tossing that out'a the window and the next thing I know Emmett and Aro are pinning me down yelling at me to calm down. Yeah that's how fuckin' angry I was, black out angry, apparently I hit Jake so hard I broke his jaw and he had to have it wired shut.

Thankfully it didn't take longer to find her, I was driving you crazy wasn't I love? I know you don't understand why I needed to bring her back, why I don't just go and fetch the kids home, but I can't have her walking around thinking she can run her mouth off to whoever the fuck. If I thought I could trust her to keep her fat trap shut don't you think I would'a divorced her by now?

So here I am driving ever closer to her and that pencil dick pussy who thought he could take my family from me and I'm itching to show him how wrong he was. They're mine and I don't fuckin' share.

Emmett turns off in to a rundown motel car park and my blood pumps with adrenaline, my heart races and that wicked smile that says I'm up to no good and I like it spreads across my face. He shuts off the engine and I turn to Aro,

"You take the kids and you drive them to Bella's. If they ask questions you tell them we needed mommy and daddy time and that Jasper needed to stay to make sure we weren't naughty. If you frighten my kids Aro it'll be the last thing you do, understand." I fix my stare on him and I know how empty my eyes look, I'm not Edward the loving father right now, I'm Edward the mother fucker who will clip you if you fuck with my family and that dude is scary cold.

"Shit Edward what you think I'm gonna say? I'll look after the munchkins, I swear they won't have a clue what's goin' on." Emmett laughs as Aro stumbles over his words but I've lost all humor and after checking I have my piece with me I climb out of the car and walk towards room 213.

I don't bother knocking, just walked right in and what a sight I see, I just have to laugh. My babies are getting in to their swimming gear, Alice already has her costume on and Jasper is walking out of the bathroom in his trunks. They look like a normal family on vacation, I can't help the short balk of a laugh, this shit is unreal. The kids spot me and come barrelling towards me chanting daddy over and over, I've fuckin' missed them like crazy.

Keeping my eye on Jasper, I squeeze them close and side step in to the room to let Emmett and Aro in. Once I know my boys are in the room and Jasper isn't gonna do anything stupid I flick my gaze over to Alice, she crumbles under my gaze. Her breathing gets shallow and she clasps a hand around her throat while the other clings to the arm of the chair like she's clinging to real life. Jasper takes a step towards her and I growl out,

"Don't." He stops immediately and I smile at the fear I see in his eyes. He's like a wild, frightened horse, ready to bolt at any minute but that ain't gonna fuckin' happen.

"We missed you daddy, are you gonna swim with us?" My kids are too cute but I'm not here to play, I'm here to get my family back so I shake my head and tell them Marcus is gonna drive them home.

"Me and mommy need to have some grown up time so you're goin' home with uncle Marcus to have a sleep over with nanny Bella." At the mention of your name Alice jumps out of her chair and moves towards us,

"No Edward, you promised. I don't want them near her!" There's panic in her eyes and voice and even though she's reaching out for them she doesn't get too close to us, I think that's the smartest thing she's done in 3 weeks. I shake my head and laugh out, is this bitch for real?

"I don't think you have any right to tell me what I can and can't do with my kids after what you just pulled, do you?" My voice is cold and my tone is even but inside I can feel the rage bubbling up impatiently and I need to get my kids out of here.

"Put you're outside clothes on over you're suits kids, it's getting late and nanny Bella's waiting for you." After helping the kids get dressed and making sure they're in the car I turn back to Alice and Jasper.

Emmett already has Jasper in the chair next to Alice, with his hands pressing down on his shoulders painfully, I smile as he winces. I'm gonna enjoy this. I turn to Alice and I have to keep reminding myself that she's pregnant so I don't wrap my hands around her throat and squeeze, squeeze, squeeze until the anger leaves me.

"Is my baby ok Alice?" There's no warmth in my tone and her skin pales a little more. She nods her head in short jerks, like she doesn't have control over her body and her joints are freezing in fear. Relief floods me with her confirmation but then this situation suddenly hits me and I have to ask,

"It is mine isn't Alice, coz so help you God if it isn't." She chokes with fear and jumps up to grab at me in desperation. Her tiny fists curl in to my shirt and she stumbles over her words in fear,

"Of course, we never… I haven't…. We didn't Edward, not until we left. It's yours, oh God Edward please, I promise it's yours." She's never been a good liar so I nod in relief.

"Alright, get dressed Alice, where I can see you please." She rushes off to her bag on the bed in the corner and starts pulling her clothes on. Finally I turn my attention back to Jasper, his foreheads shiny with sweat and his breathing is shallow, I hope he doesn't pass out before I have my fun with him.

"So Jasper, I'm curious, how did you think this was gonna end? Did you really think I wouldn't find you? That I would just let you run off with my wife and my fuckin' kids and not hunt you down? You're stupider than I thought." I'm leaning right over him now and he's slunk down in his chair as far as he can, I'm sneering right in his face but he doesn't make a move to stop me. I can see two weeks with my wife has made him realise what a mistake he's made.

"Edward please, this was all my idea. I just needed a break from everything I was feeling really stressed and I just wanted to get away for a little while. Don't punish Jasper Edward, it's not his fault." I turn to where Alice is sat on the bed and I can't believe the stupid bitch is pleading for him, I shake my head in wonderment.

"You must really think I'm an idiot if you think I'll believe that load of bullshit. You just shut up and look at what you've caused, all the trouble you've made, and you do it silently or I'll silence you myself."

I turn back to Jasper and tell him to get up. I'm done with all this talking, I need to do something the anger has taken over me and I'm losing control. As soon as Jasper's on his feet I knock him back down with a hard right hook to his jaw. Thankfully he gets back up without me having to ask him and I get him right in the gut, he doubles over. I knock him back on to the floor and me and Emmett take turns kicking and stamping Jasper in to a bloody pulp all to the sounds of Alice screaming and begging us to stop.

Breathing heavy and covered in blood me an Emmett back off and leave Jasper bleeding on the floor but still alive, not for long though. I pull out my gun and end it quickly with a bullet to each knee and then one in the head, ok maybe not too quickly but the fucker deserved it.

I don't look at Alice while I strip out of my clothes and in to a clean t-shirt and jeans, she's not making a sound and I'm fuckin' grateful. I can't deal with a hysterical Alice right now. Emmett throws me his car keys and tells me he'll take care of this. I guide Alice out to the car, more than confident Emmett will take care of this. Now I just wanna get home to you and the kids, it's been a long ass night and it's not over yet, I've got a long drive ahead of me. I send you a quick message letting you know I'm on my way and then I pull out of the car park and start the long journey home.


	15. Chapter 15

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: I love you guys, that is all. This is the same night as the last chapter.

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**APOV**

Inhale. Exhale. Blink. Repeat. My body is running on basic functions alone, there is no higher consciousness, only existing. I'm in shock and in desperate need of a sweet hot tea, that's good for shock right? Jesus I'm rambling about tea and Jasper's… Jasper is… I can't deal with this. I should have tried harder to stop you, if it would change anything I'll beg you nice from my knees right now but it won't so I don't.

I stare blankly out of the passenger side window and watch the streetlamps and cars pass by, it makes me feel so small and insignificant that these people are only a few meters away and yet they have no idea that I'm in a car with a murderer. My husband the murderer ladies and gentlemen, he'll charm his way in to your heart then trap you to him with marriage vows and then kill any chance of escape, what a guy huh. My mother would be, is, so proud.

I keep seeing it happen over and over in my head. I'd rip out my own eyes and fill the sockets with bleach if it would stop them flashing in to my thoughts like a very macabre slide show. Your fist connecting with Jasper's nose, the crunching sound of bone, the blood flying out and over you both, the sick twisted smile on your lips and then he's on the floor and your dancing on his ribs and then bang, bang, bang and more blood and he didn't once take his eyes from me as you took his life from him.

And now I'm screaming, soul breaking sounds claw their way up out of my chest and rattle through my throat and explode from between my dry lips. It's all I can hear and it terrifies me but at least I can no longer hear Jasper's bones breaking. My hands are fisted in my hair; my eyes are screwed tight shut against the images that I can still see and I'm not ok, I don't think I'll ever be ok again. I can't breathe around my screaming but if I stop how will I know that I'm still alive?

My name starts to filter through my screaming and for a split second I think it's him but when I snap my head up all I can see is you. I uncurl my fists from my hair and pummel them in to your arm and chest instead, I let all of my fear and rage flow through my arms and I'm like a wild animal, clawing at you. I kick and scratch and punch and slap at you all while I scream how much I hate you. You pull over before I make you swerve in to oncoming traffic and we struggle some more. You're stronger than I am but I have rage on my side and we both know what rage can do to a person don't we sweetie.

Eventually you get me pinned under you, although you're careful not to put any pressure on the bump, and growl out through clenched teeth,

"I'm in no mood for this Alice! You brought it on yourself; you shouldn't have taken my fuckin' kids! What was I supposed to do huh? Let you go, what would that have looked like huh? and then all of our lives would'a been at risk."

I glare defiantly up at you, you can't touch me, not right now anyway and I'm feeling stupid brave so I don't cower and beg like usual and you don't like it one bit.

"I'm telling you now, I don't give a fuck who's daughter you are or how many of my fuckin' kids you've birthed if you pull this shit again I'll send you to Jasper and let Bella be the mother you couldn't be. She wouldn't put her feelings over her kids."

Your words feel like bullets and it knocks the wind and the bravery right out of me. You always knew just what to say to knock me down. She can't have them, they're mine and I'm the best God damned mother they could ever have. Fuck you Edward and fuck her too!

"Alright Edward, you win. I'll be your meek little wife in public and I'll be the mother of your children at home but if you ever try and get back in to my bed I'll rip your mother fucking cock off with my bare hands so help me God, I'll do it."

I see the shock in your eyes and the way your mouth turns up in to a smirk like you're proud of me and I have to hold myself back from head butting you, you're such a condescending ass hat. We shift back in to our own seats and you pull back on to the road while I go back to ignoring you.

My heart aches for Jasper, all I wanted was to be happy, for my kids to have a chance outside of this lifestyle. And you took that from us Edward, I'll forever feel guilty for including Jasper in my want to escape. His blood is on both of our hands, the kids a really gonna miss him too.


	16. Chapter 16

**Disclaimer**: I own nothing but the plot line; the characters belong to S Meyer. All lyrics belong to their respective writers/artists.

**AN**: This is about a month after the last chapter.

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**BPOV**

I am so tired. I have no energy anymore, I'm running on empty, I gave it all to you and you just took, took, took it from me and now I'm hollow and I am so tired. And you're so angry, ever since Alice took off for her happily ever after that she never got because you took that from her too. You're this massive black hole of selfishness and you take, take, take until you've hollowed out a person and they're left scraped red raw and clinging to their soul with the tips of their fingers but you want that to don't you. Well I'm telling you Edward, you can't have mine.

My bags are packed waiting for me to take them to somewhere warmer than here and I'm waiting beside them for you because I won't make Alice's mistake. If I run you will chase me and we all know how that turns out don't we love. In death and pain and screaming and anger, so much anger, and I am so tired of it and you.

The night after you, you left her at home, guarded by Emmett of course because she'll never be left alone again, and raced over to me but you forgot to leave your anger with her. You burst through my door with such a bang I thought for sure you'd kicked it in with explosives attached to your feet. And you just stood there for a moment scanning my tiny little apartment for me like the predator scanned for Arnie and your eyes were so black and empty. But then you found me, waiting patiently and lovingly for you in case you needed to talk about how relieved you were that you'd found your children but no, talking was the last thing you wanted to do. It only took you four big, hard, angry steps and you were there in front of me pulling me up and against you with no words from your lips, no hello love no I'm sorry I keep you waiting. There was nothing but anger, I'd never felt anger from your lips before.

And then we were moving, and my back was slammed against the wall and you push, push, pushed your hips in to me. Hands pinned above my head in one of yours while the other pressed and squeezed once loving fingers in to my ass, the only way my legs stayed wrapped around you was because you were pressed so hard against me. You bite and pinch and nip and my body responded and I lost my mind it felt so good. I panted and moaned against your biting kisses and I rocked against your dick as you slammed in to me harder and deeper and faster until I exploded. And then you sunk your teeth in to my jaw, pressed in to me as far as you could and it was over.

But that's all I've felt since, anger and rough touches, and it's drained me. Nothing but anger can dull a soul, they need love and light to survive and there's none of that left here. Instead of loving caresses there's hard bruise leaving squeezes, instead of tender hand holding there's hands above head pinned down, instead of words whispered against soft loving lips there's fuck, fuck, fuck and that's what we do now. We fuck, and I am so tired.

And I often sit and wonder why you're not with me tonight, you're with her and I stayed at home remaining true but then I remember Jasper and yeah, that's why I stayed at home. I'm not sure how Alice can stand it; the guilt must be eating away at her. It would eat away at me, I'm so glad I never got anyone else involved but then if I'd been in Alice's position I would have chased after my happy ever after with whoever was offering it. I thought you were my happy ever after; I guess women aren't always right.

I hear the key in the lock and you're here and my heart tries to jump out of my mouth and it pumps adrenaline through my body making my beats skip and dip so much I feel dizzy. I clench the locket with my mother's picture inside harder in my fist and I can almost hear her whispering words of strength and love. I can do this, I chant it over and over and then you're standing in front of me with that cocky smirk on your lying lips and a glint in your eye as you look between me and my bags. This is it; I take a deep breath,

"The time has come to say goodbye and I know it's gonna make you cry, but you belong to another my love and half a love, that just isn't enough. I am so tired and I just can't wait around for you, I've waited all this time for you and I always thought we'd see it through but I am so tired and the time has come to say goodbye."

The smirk falls from your lips and is replaced with a cruel grimace, your eyes turn black and empty, your back stiffens and your fists clench. I want to take a step back but I'm right up against the bed, I have nowhere to go, I try and reason with you,

"Edwar-" I don't even get your full name out before you've silenced me with a back hand to the face. It's so hard it knocks me stupid and when I open my eyes I seem to have rolled off of the bed. I must have blacked out and my hearing starts to filter in and it's chaos. You're destroying my apartment, there's not one ornament or photo frame that I own that you haven't thrown against a wall or stamped on if it didn't break. And now you've started with my furniture, I've never seen your temper like this before and I'm starting to wish I had one of Alice's guards for my protection.

Protection, it hits me like one of your fists but instead of knocking me stupid it gives me clarity. I reach in to the bedside cabinet, never taking my eyes off of you, and I reach in and grasp the cool hard metal of the weapon you gave me. The weapon you gave me so I could protect myself, we never imagined it would be you I needed protecting from though did we love. I check it's loaded and click the safety to the position that will turn me in to a murderer and I stand with white noise desperation bravery steadying my legs.

I don't call your name or draw attention to myself, you have your back turned to me and I've never fired a gun before so I need all the advantage I can get. I move in to the door way and you're in my sight and I don't think I just squeeze.

The shot's loud and it startles me so much I almost drop the gun but it startles you more and you lurch forward in to the wall. I got you in the shoulder, nowhere vital, and you turn to me with a look of utter disbelief on your pretty face. One look in your eyes jolts me out of my shock and I fire again, getting you in the stomach. Maybe when this is over I'll go to the range for some target practice. You double over and take one shaky step towards me and I fire again, this time I hit the money shot and your brain paints pretty pictures over my walls. Guess I'm not getting my deposit back.

Everything kind of flashes in and out for a while, when I stop seeing everything like I'm at a 90's rave I'm sitting on my bed with my bags at my feet. I'm not sure how long I've been sitting here but it can't have been that long because I don't hear sirens and surely someone's called the policy by now? The thought of the police kicks my butt in to gear and I pick up my bags and head for the door. I see your body out of the corner of my eye and I don't think I just do it; I take my phone out and take a picture. I send it to Alice, I hope this makes us even now, maybe she'll get her happy ever after after all. And then I walk out of my door and this nightmare that has been my life and hopefully in to my happy ever after.

* * *

**AN** Thank you so much to everyone who has read, reviewed and added this to their lists, it has meant so much to me. Until next time.


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